Relationships

In a world run by technology and computers, where information is readily available and the world becomes smaller everyday, it's unreasonable to say that computers and other forms of technology do not impact almost every aspect of our lives.

One facet of this impact which becomes less and less taboo as time passes, is internet dating. Myspace, Gaydar even ClickPink, they are all websites where people can log on, and trawl through profiles written and managed by members, where they can post pictures and write blogs - akind of open diary or scrap book. But how does internet dating impact our lives, and the question we must all ask ourselves at some point is this - Internet dating: Friend or faux?

Since the internet has become readily available to people in their own homes, people have been able to meet other like minded people through chat rooms, and email. These people were able to flirt and talk through emails, and possibly eventually meet. However, since the creation of profile sites, a whole new dimension to internet dating has been added. people are able to see images, pictures, diary entries, interests and other useful pieces of information.

This is almost like trying before buying, rather than spending months emailing and chatting before finally meeting and being disapointed. But it's also like being in a club, and catching a glimse of this gorgeous guy across the room. You spend the entire night giving half glances, and flirting from across the room with your smile, eye contact and posture. Eventually, he comes over, and offers you a drink. After spending 10 minutes with him, you discover he posseses all the qualities in a potential mate that you hate. You sit there, and can't help wishing that you had had the chance to see his profile first before wasting your time.

And how does internet dating affect the gay community? Alot. In the gay world, where things can often be seen as superficial and sex orientated, meeting people online can be a quick, convienient but not always accurate way of sorting through the duds, and creating a short list. No more sitting in smelly, smoke filled clubs to meet Mr. Right, just type in a web address, click search, and there he is.

There are still downsides to internet dating, however. People can still often be disapointed with the people they meet for various reasons, and can be even more discouraged after months of sparks and attraction. So while this form of dating can be relatively safe (if you're careful), and quick, it can also be quite painful when the unexpected occurs.

So whether you think internet dating is a useful tool in the modern world, or a superficial trend in todays almost yuppie culture, it is definitely a form of dating that people are taking seriously, and should be considered with an open mind.

In 1998 I began a relationship, or maybe a fling is a better word, with my boss. I was single and he was not. He and his partner, of 12 years at the time, shared an open relationship. All parties involved developed a unique friendship and while the sex was only between me and my boss, the three of us often did things together which included travelling and dining. The three of us spent Christmas morning ’98 in their massive king sized bed watching typical Christmas morning TV. It was fun.

I was raised with different morals and often found myself surprised at myself for being so comfortable with the situation. These two men loved and were committed to each other and were always completely open and honest with their feelings and activities. The relationship they shared and its protection was priority number one and this was clear to me. Actually this was great for me because I had all the benefits of a boyfriend with none of the hassle; I had a boyfriend on loan.

The concept of an open relationship is nothing new in the gay community and maybe it’s even quite common. It makes sense. Men are dogs and will always have a curious and unstoppable desire for ‘strange.’ Gay men recognise and accept this trait and have morphed the idea of a committed couple to allow this reality. By removing the intimacy and exclusivity commonly associated with sex in relationships, disappointment and heartbreak is also removed when one of the two is unfaithful.

Men can do this much better than women. We carry our genitals on the outside of our bodies and this physical feature alone distances us from the sexual act. It means nothing, or can mean nothing. Sex for men can be as impersonal as scratching an itch. Leaving monogamy in care of the religions that don’t want us can open honest dialog between partners that many times far surpasses the dialog of a couple afraid to share their most carnal desires. An open relationship can bond two people in a way much stronger than the fragile expectation of faithfulness.

My experience with this relationship philosophy was fantastic, until me and boss did the unthinkable…we fell in love. Cliché as it is and oh so dramatic, all turned tits up in our happy and friendly threesome. The partner was furious, the boss was frantic, and I was lost between the ‘married man’ reality and all he said he’d do. I lived the drama just as you may have seen it portrayed on a made for TV film, a man’s midlife crisis, the younger and handsomer lover, the hysteric husband. There were tears, screaming fights, psychotic telephone calls, threats of personal harm, gossip, sides were taken, and a job was lost, mine of course. And I also lost the man, of course.

I have seen both sides of the open relationship coin, and that’s one coin I’m not going to flip again. Like the prodigal faggot returning to a probably unrealistic ideal wishing for impossible things, I’ll risk the heartbreak that shadows monogamy. The Hindenburg-esk crash and burn that I narrowly escaped showed me that maybe it better to build barriers and defend what is important, to keep intimacy precious.